Joke Category Bed jokes

Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great, gooey, bug-eyed monsters playing tiddley winks under my bed. What shall I do? Hide the tidd...

The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board.

Two friends who lived in the town were chatting. "I've just bought a pig," said the first. "But where will you keep it?" said the second. "Y...

What should you do if you find a snake in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe.

Doctor, doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping. Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed. Oh, I'm all right at night, it's in the day I have problem...

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. "What's wrong?" asked his mother. "Do people really come from dust, like they said in ch...

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. "What's wrong?" asked his mother. "Do people really come from dust, like they said in ch...

A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark. 'Hello, Jenny,' said the neighbour. 'Isn't it time for little girls to be ...

Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed? Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!

Did you hear about the granny who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster by mistake? She spent the night popping out of bed.

Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great, gooey, bug-eyed monsters playing tiddley winks under my bed. What shall I do? Hide the tidd...

Doctor, doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping. Doctor: Well maybe it's your bed. Oh, I'm all right at night, it's in the day I have problem...

Father: Why did you put a toad in your sister's bed? Son: I couldn't find a spider.

How can you shorten a bed? Don't sleep long in it.

How can you shorten a bed? Don't sleep long in it.

How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed ? When your nose touches the ceiling !

I don't think my Mom knows much about children. Why do you say that? Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up w...

I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed. Did you have a big role? No, just toast and marmalade.

I woke up, went for a walk, my head fell off and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me and said: "Good grief, whe...

I'd like to buy a bed, please. Certainly, madam. Spring mattress? Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year.

I'd love you to stay the night, but I'm afraid you'll have to make your own bed. Oh, that's all right, I don't mind at all. Right. Here's...

Knock Knock Who's there ! Bed ! Bed who ? Bed you can't guess who I am!

Mother: Did you make your bed today? Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.

Shall I tell you the joke about the bed? No, because it hasn't been made up yet.

Sonny: I can't sleep. What should I do? Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you'll be sure to drop off!

The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board.

Three boys were sharing the same bed on holiday, but it was so crowded that one of them decided to sleep on the floor. After a while, one of h...

Two friends who lived in the town were chatting. "I've just bought a pig," said the first. "But where will you keep it?" said the second. "Y...

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on ? A horse !

What do tigers wear in bed ? Stripey pyjamas !

What do you call a python with a great bedside manner? A snake charmer.